Kids, Dogs and The Truth About Life

MY heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when
my life began,
So is it now I am a man,
So be it when I shall grow
old
Or let me die!
The child is father of the man:
And I could wish my
days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety- William
Wordsworth"What is happiness?""How does one become happy?"I believe no
other question has been more thought about, discussed, debated and
disagreed upon in human history than the two I mention above. Over the
years I have heard many interpretations of what consists of
'happiness' in one's life. While they did resemble some sort of an
answer, it always felt like I was in the presence of some pre-historic
witch doctor whose language was hard to understand even when he seemed
to speak words I was familiar with.'Happiness' was to be defined as
clearly as 'Love,' which is abstract and obscure even today. Happiness
was an emotion that could be felt but never explained. It was vague,
mystic and remained that way for the high priests of worldly wisdom
and intellectual superiority. I have a problem with that. I personally
don't believe when our great-great-forefathers coined the word
'happiness', they were either vague, mystic or ambivalent about it.In
my personal opinion one of the greatest disasters in our present
culture is the ambivalence words have come to have. The absolute
irreverence for accuracy in communication is appalling. I have said
this before and I will say it again - we live an age of approximates.
Approximates in terms of emotional and intellectual truths. We do not
want nor seek exactitude in anything. Yet the truth is, reality is
precise. It is concrete. Non-negotiable. An apple is an apple. A bird
is a bird. A tree is a tree. They are not semblances of what they are
said to be. They are what they are. Completely. Truly. Absolutely.If
10 million people today say, "I am happy," it seems to me that they
would all be meaning different things. That is simply insane. How can
we communicate with one another if the meaning of words became
subjective. How can I speak with you, or you with me, if we decided
that the words we speak can mean anything that we want them to. That
is preposterous. If I say pineapple and you understand it for an
apple, we will have chaos on our hands. Yet it goes on. The arbitrary
dilution of meaning words carry in our world. It hinders us from
understanding ourselves. From understanding the world around us. From
engaging in life truthfully and meaningfully. One reason why,
happiness is still a chimera in most lives.I have wanted to be happy.
Just like you do. The only problem was I did not know how to be happy
because I did not know what it was and hence how to consciously seek
it. Happiness was like everything else in life. Something that
happened to me in spite of myself. I had no control over it. Yet I
knew that life was not a random procession of undefinable, unrelated
events or emotions. Happiness was to be acquired, consciously. Like
one seeks knowledge. They are not automatically granted to one.I know
that happiness is not what those witch doctors spoke of it. It is not
some paragraphs quoted verbatim from popular self-help books. It is
neither vague nor mystic. It's not a religious eventuality or a
philosophical mirage. It is concrete and like all concrete things in
our world, definable and achievable if we are willing to work for it.
It is not a gift. It is not a miracle. It is not magic.Surprisingly, I
have learned about this fundamental and essential truth of life not
from books I have read or the men I have met. I have learned it from
those who seem to be most happy in life - kids and dogs. They don't
seem to be confused about the concept at all. Their lives are goal
oriented and their only goal is happiness. We claim so about our lives
too but mostly seem to be working against everything that could and
would make us happy.Today I want to share a few things that my canine
and kid friends have taught me. I am grateful for that.[1] Be Loyal To
LifeLife is nothing but a conscious pursuit of happiness. Happiness is
the supreme value. (A value is that which one acts to gain and/or
keep. A value is an object of action. In this sense we can say that
everyone pursues values. All of us do what we do to find and keep
happiness.) Kids and dogs seem to do this naturally. Their everyday
life is nothing but a pursuit of happiness. They are aware of what or
who makes them the happiest and let that emotion guide their actions.
In other words, they are extremely loyal to happiness.For example, if
someone or something other than their parents/owners makes them
happier, they will not hesitate in spending more time with that other
person or thing. The rules of our society don't stop them from
pursuing their happiness. They don't wonder if it is OK to openly show
their appreciation and love for the company of that someone or
something even when social dictates rule against it.If and when they
spend time with you, they do so only because of themselves. Only
because of their happiness. Their happiness is the touchstone with
which they evaluate their relationship with the world around them.
Nothing else, except force and fear, will make they betray that truth.
Kids and dogs do not live in a world where 'I have to' exists. Their
lives are driven by one truth, and that is 'I want to.'[2] Live In The
MomentI am yet to see a kid or dog that held grudges or ingratiated
itself to someone they did not like to gain something tomorrow.
Yesterday and tomorrow do not exist for them. Hence it has no
significance and no control over them. They live in the moment. Their
responses are to the here and now. They respond to Life, not to a
memory or a fantasy. Not sharing their mind and heart with a past that
is no more and a future that isn't yet makes them fully available to
moment that is. And that is what is called living life to the fullest.
Their responses are an answer to the reality that exists - the moment
that they live. Their lives are not reactions to figments of their
imagination. 'What was' and 'what will be' do no exist for them. The
live for 'what is.'[3] Be True To LifeBeing true to life means not
practising artificial responses to the reality that is. In simple
terms, do not pretend. Kids and dogs show us what they feel. Not what
you want them to feel or what you expect them to feel. The don't try
to be someone else to please you. If they don't like a particular kind
of food, they don't eat it to make you happy. If they don't like a toy
or biscuit, no matter how expensive it is or where it was made or who
bought it, they won't waste their time on it. If something doesn't
give them pleasure, they move on to whatever that does. They don't
corrupt reality. They don't change it to fit your needs or wants. They
accept it as it is and react accordingly. Your emotions are not their
reality. (By the way, emotions are personal and only a response to
reality. They are not reality itself. They are subjective, varying
from individual to individual.) Kids and dogs, they remain true to
themselves by being true to Life.In other words, they are emotionally
and intellectually honest. For them, what is is. Hence they are who
they are and not who you want them to be. They are free of your
emotional demands or needs.[4] Do Not Try To ControlControl is our
need to alter reality to fit our expectations. It is one of the main
reasons for unhappiness among humans. An individual cannot change
another. Not in any real sense of the word. Yet he or she tries to.
With love, with fear, with force. Knowingly and unknowingly. In love,
we speak of their best interests. When we want to use fear as a weapon
to control we threaten them with consequences. We use physical,
financial, intellectual and emotional force to control. Somehow we
have come to believe that if only people behaved the way we expect
them to we would be happy. Of course, we never doubt that they would
be happy too. Yet it is an illusion. Control does not exist. Even a
slave who is in physical subjugation does not give in spiritually to
his master. No man or woman can. It is against their nature.Even the
wise ones in us want the world to fit into their view of it. Albeit,
secretly. When we fail, we get angry, frustrated, unhappy.Kids and
dogs don't seem to have that need. No kid or dog tries to change its
parent or owner or any one else for that matter. Their happiness is
what keeps them alive to life. If you are capable of giving them joy,
and you do, they will enjoy your company. If not, they will find
someone who does make them happy. Their relationship with you is free
of 'need.' There is no fear or force. There is no manipulation. The
love they offer you is not something they use to get something from
you. It is their response to the joy you give them. They don't try to
make you better parents, better owners or better humans. That
responsibility is left entirely to you. Your life is your business.
They understand it better than we do.[5] Have A Self-sufficient EgoAn
insufficient ego breeds insecurity. And insecurity breeds fear. Fear
does not allow happiness. So an insufficient ego can only derive
happiness from anything or anyone who abates it. You have to tell them
how wonderful they are, how beautiful, how intelligent, etc., to make
them happy. They don't derive happiness from engaging in a pleasurable
activity with you. Because the activity as such does not mend their
broken self image. Such a happiness is neither real nor lasting. It is
reactive and holds other people or things responsible for it. What it
is is not happiness, but a desperate need for validation. The moment
the external stimuli is taken off, the very same ego will go back to
its permanent insufficient stage and either get angry and hurt or just
wallow in self-pity, depending on the personality of the individual.
People with insufficient egos hold other people and things responsible
for their emotions. They never learn to have a healthy relationship
with themselves and hence with the world around them.Kids and dogs
don't seem to have such a problem. Their love is never an emotional
need. Hence it sets no demands on you. It is a response to your
ability to give them happiness. You play with them, they are happy.
You tell them they are beautiful a hundred times, they don't care.
Simple.Since they are NOT seeking validation for their being from you,
your inability to love them is never held against you. The fact is, it
doesn't bother them at all. They never get sad because you do not love
them. Their sadness is not a response to lovelessness in their life.
[Lovelessness in one's life is equated to one's personal worthlessness
in adult world. We cry not for the absence of love but because the
extreme pain, shame and guilt the feelings of worthlessness create in
us. That is a conditioned response.]Dogs and kids become sad when they
are not happy. Elementary, isn't it? Their responses are to reality.
Not to words. You hit them, they feel pain, they cry. You scream at
them, they get scared, they cry. They don't cry because they think you
don't love them. Likewise, you hold them close to your heart and tell
them I love you, they instinctively feel the warmth of your body and
respond appropriately. The word 'love,' no matter uttered in what
language, means nothing to them. But what you do to show it does.The
best part of having an self-sufficient ego is that they will never
indulge in emotional blackmail, something I personally abhor. That is,
they will never hold your love for them against yourself to gain
something. Most of us grown ups do that. And every time I see someone
engaging in this worst kind of behavior, I feel sick to my core. Only
someone with an insufficient ego can indulge, be depraved enough to
indulge in emotional blackmail. It stems from their desperate need to
feel un-broken. So they turn every possible emotional transaction with
you into an opportunity to validate their being. They will wait for
you to call them first, they will sulk if you spend a minute longer
with their friend, they will not speak with you for turning up late
for dinner, so on and so forth. They never learn to deal with
emotional and intellectual maturity. (Honestly speaking, such people
can be a real drain on your time, energy and happiness)Look at a kid
or a dog that loves you. If you walk into your house, and he or she is
there, they won't sit in a corner waiting for you to come to them.
They will jump up in glee and run up to you. The reason is, they are
not making sure you love them. They don't want validation from you.
They are happy to show you how happy they are to see you. Their love
is not a search for fixing their broken selves. They don't use love as
medication or therapy. Love is a pleasurable emotion and they just
enjoy it. It is an expression of life. A boundless energy that makes
them want to go on and on and on.[6] Be Responsible For Your Own
HappinessIf you haven't noticed yet, go ahead and look now. Kids and
dogs don't wait for you to make them happy. They are self-reliant when
it comes to the fundamental need of life. They seek and find their own
means to be happy. You are only one of the many people and things that
they derive happiness from. If you are incapable of offering them joy,
they don't sulk. They don't hold it against you. They just go and find
other things and people. I am amazed at their dedication to their own
happiness. They are not passive but active participants in their
lives.[7] Hold On To Your InnocenceKids and dogs live in benevolent
world. They start out by trusting you and the world they live in. They
are unafraid of the unknown, be it people, places or things. Their
only teacher is experience. If they have bad experiences, they avoid
that which makes them feel bad. A kid won't touch a hot plate twice. A
dog won't try rotten food twice. This trust with which they face the
world makes them fearless. It helps them build instant relationships
and opens up the whole world to them. Their only condition being, does
this thing or person make me happy? Innocence, I believe, is a value
to be cherished. Once lost, it is never to be regained. Never.[8] Live
Without PrejudiceKids and dogs don't care if you are black, white,
rich, poor, young, old, beautiful, ugly, politician, priest, beggar or
beauty pageant winner. If they are happy with you, that's all that
counts. Lack of prejudice allows them to respond naturally to every
single opportunity for happiness without hesitation, without thinking
twice. It makes their life richer. It gives them the advantage of an
'open-mind' and soul. They never live inside self-created prisons. A
mind and heart that is not restrained by the silly and superfluous
gives them absolute freedom to explore and enjoy life. Kids and dogs,
they are free in the true sense of the word.[9] Don't Lose Your Sense
Of WonderBoredom is often cited as the reason for a dull life. Yet
kids and dogs never seem to have a dull moment in their lives. I
believe it is because they are ever curious. They are curious about
everything around them. They snoop around everywhere. The world is an
exciting place for them to live because it holds mysteries and magic
for them. It hides unexplored treasures. Life, for them, is an
adventure. And adventures are never boring. They are never dull. The
unknown captivates those who seek with their mind and soul. I don't
believe there is a dog or a child that wakes up groggy in the morning
and thinks to itself, 'Holy Crap!! Another Day.' They get up and get
going - its time for fun and games. I am yet to read about a dog or
child that suffered from depression either.If we were to treat
ourselves like a child does and each other like children do, I believe
we would have lasting, healthier relationships that offer joy and
fulfilment. We would be engaging with life in a much more exciting and
meaningful way. We would be living a full life.If I have to sum up
what I understand, I will say that if you want to be happy, remember
three things. Follow your heart. Stay true to yourself and life. Live
in the moment.There is one more thing I have to say before bidding you
farewell today. Something that I want to say. Because I am afraid. I
am afraid that in our search for happiness, one of the first victims
are our children. I am afraid to think what happens to the them in the
name of love. In the name of discipline. In the name of a future their
parents dream of. I know that parents hold great power in their hands.
And power without understanding is dangerous. It destroys quicker than
it can create. Creation demands conscious thought. Destruction is
mindless.I am afraid of mindlessness. Children have nothing to protect
themselves against mindless adults. Adults who punish them for
following their hearts. Adults who teach them to be afraid of being
who they are. Adults who take away their happiness by giving them only
the grown-up version of it. I know that gradually most children will
give in and give up. I can see their egos shrivel and die. I can see
them grow into automated robots without a mind or soul. I can see them
learn to destroy what is best in them - their own self. Most of the
parent's will never even know that they have become their children's
worst enemy. By loving them the way you do. For them, your version of
love may be the cup of poison Aristotle drank.