Making It Work With Your Ex

Okay, guys, let me clarify here. I don't mean getting back together
with your ex. It could be your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. What I mean
is, how do you have a workable relationship with someone that you
share children with? How do you co-parent as two adults who have moved
on?I am speaking as someone who has a substantial amount of experience
in this, almost ten years to be exact. It wasn't always easy. I
remember one or two years after my divorce I had a phone conversation
with my ex in which he told me I was selfish and I told him he was
f&^%$ up, and then someone hung up on the other person. (I'm
embarrassed to say it was probably me.) We've come a long way since
then. I realized that we needed to resolve this problem, as the number
one thing I'd learned in the mandatory "divorce class" we had taken
was that the extent of the conflict between you is equal to the extent
to which your child(ren) will be negatively affected. So, we went back
to our former marriage counselor, and got a "tune up". And ever since
then, it has been a smooth road. Here's what I've learned DOES work:1.
Say please and thank you. Ask, don't tell. And remember to appreciate
the other person when they are being helpful or kind.2. Stick to the
subject, which is the kid(s). I don't always agree with the things my
ex says or does, but frankly, if it's not negatively affecting our
daughter, it's none of my business. It's not my job to criticize
him.3. Establish an atmosphere of being kind and generous with your
time and willingness to pitch in. If she needs you to watch the kids
on Monday while she goes to the doctor, be very willing to do that
even if it means that you have to wait to see your current girlfriend
because of it. Don't worry. Before you know it, you will need her
cooperation too, and isn't it nice to know that she'll be ready and
willing to reciprocate the favor?4. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Irritated that she was 15 minutes late picking up the kids? Me too.
But I have learned that getting hung up on the "small" things simply
doesn't pay. This is your ex. You don't have to air out every little
thing that comes up. Save that for your current relationship. That way
you won't end up with another ex!