Negative Empowerment

Empowerment, that's a good thing - right? Any time we have the
ability to empower someone to do their best or make good decisions,
it's a positive in their life. So how do we get caught in the trap of
negative empowerment? And what exactly is negative empowerment?Have
you ever noticed what happens when you validate someones negative
feelings? Have you ever had the experience of being a passenger on a
road trip and have another driver cut you off? The moment you say
something like, "What's with that guy, I can't believe he just cut you
off?" How does the driver of your car respond? My experience ~ the
moment my driver's feelings are validated he becomes empowered to
retaliate. It's funny because I've actually put this to the test. When
I say nothing, my driver does nothing. Almost like it never even
happened. But when I make a comment, look out! We are headed full
speed down that road trying to catch up because retaliation is in
play.It can happen with our children also when siblings pick on each
other. As a parent there is a fine line that we walk. Knowing when to
step in and when to keep quiet so they learn to work it out
themselves, is important. When we do decide to intervene and address
an injustice, have you noticed how the child who feels he is being
"picked on" escalates the situation? Even when you stay neutral, the
"picked on" child is empowered negatively if they feel we've taken
sides. It becomes so much worse as soon as they feel we've validated
their feelings.Emotions are complex. Rather than having control over
their emotions, many people allow their emotions to control them. And
as soon as they realize someone else sees it the same way they see it,
those emotions take over and the situation is headed in a bad
direction. I used to think I was just at the mercy of other people and
their dysfunctional emotions. But once I realized how my words were
empowering them to react in a negative way, I was able to see I had
power in the situation and could choose different. How awesome ~ the
power of awareness!