A Short Guide to Difficult Conversations

Are you avoiding a conversation you know you must have? Quite often
it's because you don't know where to start. Here's a checklist of
things to consider as you approach that conversation you've been
avoiding.1. Talk to yourself first� What do you hope to
achieve by having this conversation?
� What would be your
ideal outcome?
� Can you adjust your attitude to expecting a
positive outcome?
� What emotions are you feeling about this
situation?
� Will you be able to keep those emotions under
control?
� What assumptions have you made about the person
and/or the situation?
� Do they know there's a problem?
�
Is there anything else you need to know before you start this
conversation?
� Should you speak to someone else first, or get
help?2. Write an agenda for the conversation� This may be just
for your own reference. Look at the points in the next section for
ideas on what to include.
� Remind yourself to stay centred
and focused with your full attention on the discussion.3. Choose an
appropriate time and place� Ensure no interruptions or
distractions (switch mobiles off).
� Privacy is also
important.4. Prepare and practice� If possible, practice with
someone else. At the very least run through the conversation - and
the likely responses of the other person - in your head.
� Be
prepared for a range of possible reactions including tears, anger,
blaming and silence.Now you're ready for the meeting, so let's look at
what's needed for it to run smoothly.Clarity of purpose. Know why
you're having this conversation and what outcome you with to
achieve.Curiosity and a willingness to listen to everything the other
person has to say. You don't know their perspective on the issue and
this is your change to find out. This may require you to put your ego
to one side and really listen to what they have to say, without
interrupting and disputing their views. Be aware of what their
non-verbal communication is telling you, too.Acknowledge the other
person's viewpoint. You can show you understand what they're saying
by restating it back to them. To acknowledge doesn't mean you
agree.Take your turn to express your perspective, so that your
position on the issue is clear. While it is good to put words to your
emotions (for example, "I feel angry that we're in this situation"),
avoid acting in an emotional or angry way.Work together on a solution.
You may already have an ideal solution in mind, but it's worth asking
first what the other person would suggest. Keep an open mind and if
you feel you're being led off-track, go back to the beginning.Agree
and document what will happen next. This will include any changes to
behaviour, processes or performance. It's also important to agree on
when and how you will monitor the changes.Above all, stay centred and
stick to your purpose and be willing to consider alternative
outcomes.