How to Communicate With Your Spouse for a Happy Marriage

Men and Women communicate differently. Those of you who have been
married, for any length of time, will probably recognize this as a
fact. I have always thought, our creator must have a keen sense of
humor, to make men and women so drastically different. It, definitely,
keeps things interesting.Why is it so hard for men and women to
understand each other? There are basic, ingrained differences in the
way we communicate. A woman can be more subtle than her man. She
expects him to pick up on her hints. For example, a woman can make a
hint about how cold it is in the house. The man, often times, doesn't
get this subtle hint. His response to her, perfectly clear suggestion,
could be an agreement to her statement. He doesn't realize, this was a
clue for him to go turn up the heat.The woman is annoyed, because she
feels she is clearly communicating her needs. The man is frustrated
because he isn't picking up on her subtleties. He can't understand why
she is upset with him. The man, being more direct, thinks she should
have said what she wanted in the beginning. It is easy to understand
why men and women have a hard time communicating, at times. Men
respond to the direct approach, but that is not always the way women
communicate.I am not a trained or certified marriage counselor. My
knowledge is the practical kind, which I have learned from a 30+ year
marriage. These 3 tips worked for us.1. Don't take it personally. Many
times, we get caught up in over-sensitivity. Our spouse could have had
a hard day at work, or many other assorted challenges in their day. If
we take their mood personally it can be devastating. Early in my
married life, I was over-sensitive. My husband could easily take off
on a rant (learned behavior from his childhood). I would get my
feelings hurt, because I felt his rantings was directed at me (learned
behavior from my childhood). Even when I knew it had nothing to do
with me, I could make it about me. As we continued to learn how to
communicate and how we each felt, he ranted less (because he knew that
upset me) and I grew thicker skin. Does that mean he doesn't rant any
more? No, I just don't take it personally.2. If it is at all possible,
express one's feelings without anger. This can be a challenging. It is
easy to get angry and fly off into anger, and hurt the other person
with harsh words. Sometimes, removing oneself from the immediate
emotional situation can help. Go somewhere to cool off. Discussing it
with a friend is not advised. Friends have long memories, and can
bring up things best forgotten. It is, also, very hurtful to our
spouses to discuss these topics with others. We should never say to
friends and family members things about our spouses that we wouldn't
say in front of them.If discussing the situation without anger is not
possible than stick to the topic. Many people, when they fight, start
bringing up all kinds of past grievances. This is very unproductive
and foolish. Let the past grievances stay in the past and only discuss
the current thing. It is best to make an effort, even in anger, not to
say personally demeaning things to hurt the other person.
Disagreements will be more productive this way. We must remember to
keep our words sweet. We never know when we might have to eat them!3.
It is unrealistic for anyone to believe that once we are married our
spouse is going to change. It doesn't happen. If we can't accept the
things they do before marriage, it is best not to wed. The big things
that bug us before marriage will become even bigger once the I do's
are said.If you find yourself wishing you hadn't married, try this
exercise. Day one, pick one thing about your spouse that you like.
Write it down. The next day, read what you wrote and add one more
thing you like about your spouse. Day three, reread what you wrote the
two previous days and add one more thing. Keep doing this for 10 days
in a row. In the beginning of this exercise you may struggle with
finding anything you like about them. But, if you are persistent and
continue, at the end of the 10 days, you might be surprised at how
different your attitude is about your spouse. What you choose to focus
on will grow, either good or bad.Learning to communicate with our life
partner may seem difficult at first. It takes persistence, desire, and
practice to understand them. When we have learned how our partner
communicates and we honor it by teaching them how we communicate, our
marriages becomes stronger and more satisfying. It is, always, worth
the effort.