When Did I Stop Dreaming?

At the age of eight my dad was on drugs really bad and my parents'
marriage was a disaster. I was depressed and unfortunately addicted to
Halls cough drops. They were, to say the least, like an escape; a
fresh, invigorating relief from my life. I remember the day I wrote
the suicide note when I was in the seventh grade. I hated my life then
too. Even at that young age, I had given up. I didn't want to be born
anymore. I didn't want to feel any more of the pain. Fast forward my
life 23 years and I find myself once again stagnant in my
destiny....and then it hit me. I have not been through foster care,
molestation, low self-esteem, being overweight, and the countless
other setbacks in my life to give up NOW. It won't happen. I have come
too far and went through too much to walk in shame or despair. My life
is in my hands and I can rise from the valley and reach the
mountaintop again. I think to myself, GOD didn't bring me here to
watch me die. He brought me here to wake me up.The Wake Up CallIt's
Tuesday. As I lay in bed rewinding and fast-forwarding the last two
weeks of my life, I thought of all the things I've learned. My
marriage hasn't been this great since we got married and that was
almost three years ago. Who knew that my sudden "administrative
leave", my husband's irrational, unjust demotion, and our unforeseen
quality time together would have allowed us to reconnect in a way I
never thought imaginable. We even had sex three days in a row. It was
the like a rebirth of our love for each other. In each stroke; a
rekindle of the sparks that flew when we first met eight years ago.
We've laughed and played together. We've spent quality time just lying
next to each other and watching a movie without arguing. I have begun
to see him in a whole new light. He is my rock. He is my king. He is
my Papa Bear. In the past, he never cared to take time and listen to
me go on and on about my next great idea. Yet, this time he took
interest. He paid attention tome and exchanged words of encouragement.
He even wanted to partner with me to accomplish new heights for our
family. Then the call came.The ProcessAs I sat in the car awaiting the
phone call that would determine my fate it all became real. The
meeting had been pushed back twice. During each call my boss conveyed
words of encouragement mixed with statements of doubt. With each
conversation, I felt more compelled to leave and begin anew. With each
tick of the clock I imagined my life. Was it my time to take the
limits off; to walk into destiny? As much as I wanted my job back, I
didn't want my job back. I had already endured seven years of a dream
deferred. It's now time to take action and take my life back.